April on the half-shell
by MLaw
Summary: April Dancer and Mark Slate are on a mission to capture a T.H.R.U.S.H. operative. Originally posted on section7mfu, Live Journal for the "Wednesdays are all about April" Challenge. AU.


Leaning towards the mirror, she puckered up as she put on a fresh layer of Yardley slicker lip gloss...her current favorite, frosted pink.

"You're gorgeous enough luv," a voice whispered to her through a small white earpiece nestled out of view beneath her auburn hair.

Alway dressed in the current fashions, April Dancer caught the attention of every man who entered the room; her sleeveless hot pink mini-dress of horizontal sequined stripes in varying shades of pink was dazzling.

She wore a pair of matching pink pumps and on her head was a pink pill-box style hat, one that would have suited the stylings of the new first lady, Jackie Kennedy.

"Thank you Mark, but am I getting their attention?"

"If you lean any farther forward you'll cause a few heart attacks," he chuckled.

"Oh no, that won't do. One can allow a little taste but mustn't give it away for free."

"In other words, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

"Oh Mark dear I thought better of you, that's so... crude, and it in no way applies to me."

"Sorry, I meant no disrespect. I just remember my mum telling my sister that proverb when a local lad was after her...saying 'You may think that boy will marry you because you're willing to sleep with him, but why should he buy a cow if he can get milk for free?"

April looked over her shoulder, seeing a reflection of a man nattily dressed walking into the restaurant, but it was a false alarm. Not the one she was looking for.

"Did it work?"

"Did what work?"

April clicked her tongue. "So did using that proverb prevent your sister from sleeping with him."

"Oh, yes it did. She held out, he proposed to her and now they're happily married with three children."

She sighed, finally done with applying her lip gloss and scanned the foyer for arriving dinner guests stopping to check their coats, and there she spotted him.

"We're on darling."

"Gotcha luv." Mark Slate remained hidden off to one side, dressed in a waiters red jacket. As soon as their target was seated he'd approach the table.

April sauntered over to the man, and slipped her arm around his. He was handsome, dark haired with slight grey at his temples. His suit was tailored and well fitted, and his shoes were Italian. Napoleon Solo would have completely approved of the man's attire, regardless of the man's identity.

"The agency guaranteed you'd be quite a looker," he said, eyeing her up and down."

"So you like what you see then?" April smiled, turning on the flirtatious charm and batting her eyelashes.

"I can't wait to see more," he smiled lustfully.

"I bet he can't," she heard whispered in her ear by her partner.

"Down boy," she replied; an answer that suited both men's comments.

"Shall we eat my dear...oh by the way, what's your name?"

"Candace but you can call my Candy.."

"And I bet you're oh so sweet.

April laughed at that oh so predictable response. "And what should I call you?"

He stiffened. "I told your agency no names."

"Oh darling not your name...name. Just something I can call you."

"Well I don't go in for nick names, Candace, but since it wouldn't do any harm, I suppose, you may call me by my first name...Mariusz.""Mmm, that's Polish isn't it?"April asked as he helped her to seat herself."And how would you know that?""Moi dziadkowie byli ze starego kraju. (My grandparents were from the old country) Warsaw to be precise. They got out before the war, thank goodness."

"Hmm, beautiful and smart. Very nice. I think we're going to have a wonderful evening." Mariusz raised his hand in the air, snapping his finger while not taking his eyes off his companion. Immediately Mark Slate appeared beside the table.

"Good evening sir, madam. What may I bring for your pleasure this evening?"

"A magnum of your best champagne and oysters on the half-shell to start."

"I just adore oysters,"April cooed. "I find them soooo...stimulating."

Mark appeared with the champagne, popping the cork and pouring a little bit in the gentleman's glass for him to sample.

Mariusz nodded his approval, and after the glasses were both filled he offered a toast.

"To an exciting evening my dear." His voice was filled with lust.

"Mmmm," April rolled her eyes, taking just a tiny sip of the champagne. Though she loved the taste, it always went straight to her head, a fact Napoleon always took advantage of when they were off on one of their amorous rendezvous.

Moments later Slate appeared with the tray of oysters.

"Are you ready to place your dinner orders sir?"

Mariusz looked at April and to the oysters. "We just might skip dinner and go straight to 'dessert.' How does that suit you Candace?"

"Why that would be…"

Mark reached with the bottle of champagne and clumsily spilled Mariusz's glass, making a terriblte mess.

"You clumsy fool!" Slate received a tongue lashing as he tried to wipe the spattered drink from the man's dinner jacket.

"Oh so sorry sir, my apologies," Mark was contrite as he took the tongue lashing for his deliberate mistake.

April had waited for the distraction her partner would provide and reaching across to the oysters, she popped a charm on her bracelet, releasing a colorless and odorless powder over the them.

"Go away you idiot!" Mariusz shooed Mark away. "Now, he adjusted his jacket, regaining his composure.

"All you all right darling?"

"Yes," he snapped. "I'll have that moron fired, rest assured," he took a deep breath, regaining his composure. "Now let's have those oysters. You'll join me?"

"Of course but I need to use the powder room. I'll be right back."

April rose, waving Mariusz off as he was going to help her up from her chair.

"Please, no darling. Relax and enjoy the oysters and I'll be back before you know it."

She disappeared, heading to the ladies room and once inside, and locking the door behind her.

"Mark are you there?" She sat on a small chair in front of a vanity mirror, absent-mindedly checking her makeup.

"Of course I am, where are you luv?"

"Ladies room, just giving it a few minutes for the drug to kick in before I go back. That was a perfect distraction by the way." She fluffed her hair, making sure everything was in place before she stood. An impatient knock at the door called her attention and she finally unlocked it.

"Hmm, sorry the door was jammed," she told a rather snooty looking woman who stood there staring at here.

"Well I never!"

"Keep up that attitude dear and you won't ever," April said nonchalantly as she left. Heading back to the table, she placed her purse down in front of her, looking at Mariusz.

He was looking rather green around the gills, and had broken out into a cold sweat.

"Are you all right? You look terrible."

"I'm sorry, I'm not feeling very well." Drazek placed his hand to his head, feeling his pulse throbbing in his temples.

"Oh no, darling. Could it have been the oysters?" She added an over-exaggerated tone to her voice.

He looked at her for just a second until his eyes crossed and he fell face forward, his head hitting the table with a thud.

Slate was there in an instant, and together he and April pulled the man to his feet. Mariusz was just barely awake enough to stagger as the two U.N.C.L.E. agents guided him out.

"Too much champagne," Mark apologized to the other diners as they looked on with mild concern.

Once outside, they loaded their prisoner into their waiting sedan, and were off to headquarters to deliver Mariusz Drazek to Security. He was the number one T.H.R.U.S.H. agent on the east coast United States and now he was finally out of commission.

The man almost killed Solo and Kuryakin who were both laid up, still recuperating in Medical.

The team of Dancer and Slate made their verbal report to Alexander Waverly and upon completion, April headed up to check on Napoleon. She peeked around the corner of the frame, smiling when she saw he was awake.

"Hi there lover boy," she whispered as she walked to his bedside.

"Hey, gorgeous… missed you," he smiled weakly at her. "Where've you been?"

"Oh on a little assignment with Mark...we got him Napoleon, the bastard who hurt you and Illya."

"Mariusz Drazek? You got him...how?"

"I masqueraded as a call girl and the agreement was that we'd meet at a fancy restaurant for dinner….Mark provided the distraction while I slipped a nasty little drug in Drazek's oysters. Worked like a charm, I'm pleased to say."

"Really?" His voice had an odd tone to it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" April eyed him suspiciously. "Don't tell me, you're jealous? I can't believe it, you're jealous because I caught Mariusz Drazek and you didn't!"

Napoleon reached up with his good arm, pulling April down and kissed her. When they finally came up for air, he spoke again.

"Does that give you my answer? Congratulations and thank you. You did great."

"That's more like it," she smiled, leaning forward and stealing another kiss. "I'll expect a much more extensive display of gratitude once you're better."

"Yes ma'am," Napoleon saluted her. He did once say, after all, that he liked women who took charge…*

.

ref * "Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness


End file.
